I married my second husband in 2017 in beautiful St.Lucia. We were deeply in love and felt that our dreams had been answered by each others appearance in our lives. The champagne flowed and the gleam in our eyes when they met, made us sure that ours was a powerful union.Three years later the pandemic was announced and after a few months of head scratching, it dawned upon me that Andrew and I lived in different worlds and the future didn’t look good for us staying together. Loving each other as we did, we needed to respect and honour each other’s reality, even though we didn’t share it! It felt like ‘mission impossible’, and several times we lived apart until 1.5 years later, we agreed to sell our house and live in different towns. Having my own space felt healthy and right. Andrew also felt that way, although he sometimes felt alone. Then began our visits to each other’s places, continuing our marriage and exploring our relationship with a feeling of vulnerability, curiosity and raw courage. Video calls and telegram messages have been a golden thread for us, between trips. We attended a couple of weddings together this summer and apart from a very fun date experience and meeting lots of interesting folks, I was fascinated by the vows – but what were our wedding vows? I must have lost them! Could it be time for some new vows for us? What might they be? One very promising development for us, has been our willingness to openly express our thoughts and ideas – even though they might trigger the other. In some conversations, we explore disparate notions of respect, responsibility and boundaries in a way that feels razor sharp and risky. Is it possible to fully come together again? I ask myself this question a lot. The world I live in is still vastly different than Andrew’s, but it doesn’t even seem to matter most of the time. I’ve taken care of my needs and invest in a caring community for myself, which is my greatest joy. I’ll soon be hosting a regular gathering once the house renovations are done, to provide a space for friends and neighbours to come together and engage in the new economy, by building trust and care among us. My wish is that Andrew and I will one day align in a more practical way, and we will live closer to each other. But for now, I’m enjoying the freedom I have to explore the purity of my own self, without the stress of sharing the same space with someone who is easily triggered by me. I’m definitely not the woman he married, and still I know that our love is all that’s really real. I hope my story will give encouragement to others who are navigating a partnership with one who seems to live in a different world. Sending hug to all readers!
Partners of different worlds
- September 13, 2022